It might feel nerve wrecking but together, you can do this!


While ‘running away’ together in secret could be a quick way to avoid the initial feedback, you’ll have to return to your tribe eventually. Rather than avoiding them, it’s best to tell your loved ones that you are eloping, at least, the VIPs in your life. For most, this means siblings, parents/guardians and best friends.


If you don’t remember anything else from this blog post remember this: your goal is to tell them you’re eloping, not convince them that it’s acceptable for you to do so.


If your family dynamics are unsafe or volatile, it makes sense that you’d agonize over this decision. The last thing you want is more drama, and that’s exactly why you’re not having a traditional wedding. You have every right to protect yourselves from pressure and confrontation, especially on your wedding day. I know you’re feeling under pressure and the idea of upsetting your VIPs may feel too intense to face but I’ve prepared some tips to help you get through it.


Preparing Yourself


Before you share your decision with your family, it's crucial to prepare yourselves mentally and emotionally. Remember, this day is just for the two of you. Your choice to elope is valid and deserves to be respected. Take some time to discus these points together:


  • Reflect on your reasons for eloping
  • Discuss potential reactions from families (positive and negative)
  • Plan how you’ll respond to these reactions in advance
  • Practice assertive communication
  • Decide when you’ll share the news
  • Create a way of escape if things go downhill (it’s all about supporting each other)


Breaking the News


When it comes to sharing your decision, timing and method are key. You know your family history. If you sense this interaction sparking an emotionally or physically unsafe result, keep your distance and alert them in writing. If it’s safe to do so, an in-person conversation or phone call will show you value personal connection with them and shows courage and maturity. Here's how to approach it:


Choose the right moment: Find a time when your family is relaxed and open to conversation.


Be clear and direct: Start with something like, "We have some news to share. We've decided to elope this year." This works best if they already know you’re engaged. They may have an easier time accepting that you aren’t having a traditional ceremony if they aren’t learning multiple things in one setting. Plus, allowing them to share in the joy of your proposal shows them that you are open to sharing these moments with them, just not in all the traditional ways.


Acknowledge their feelings: Make it clear that you aren’t eloping to hurt anyone but to cherish this moment.


Addressing Family Concerns


Many guardians and parents have their own dreams of the way their children will get married already planned out in their heads. Learning that you’re not going to follow their script may feel painful for them at first so speaking to that aloud will show them that you empathize with them. Here's how to address these:


Explain your perspective: Think back about those reasons you named when you and your partner were discussing why you want to elope and share a few with your family. Take care to mention that you want a small, private experience before they shower you with ideas or ways to ‘help you have the wedding of their dreams’ despite the reasons you named.


Be firm but kind: Saying something like "We appreciate your input but we've made this decision together” or “We know this isn’t easy to hear and understand if you need to take some time to process everything”. Do not phrase it in question form, you aren’t asking for permission or approval.


Offer alternatives: There are plenty of ways to include your family in your celebration without having them there to witness every step of the process. "While we won't be having a large ceremony, we'd love to celebrate with you afterwards."


Staying Strong Under Pressure


It's natural to feel pressure, especially when family dynamics are unpredictable. Here are some strategies to help you stand firm:


Remind yourself of your 'why': Keep your reasons for eloping at the forefront of your mind.


Support each other: You and your partner are a team. Lean on each other during difficult conversations. Something as small as reaching out for their hand, a rub on the back or taking turns speaking can help you feel stronger in a difficult moment like this one.


Love em and Leave em: Now that you’ve said what you need to say, it’s ok to remove yourselves from the situation. If your tribe becomes overbearing or continuously tries to guilt/pressure/fuss you into submission, stop talking and leave.


Give them time


Your family's initial reaction doesn't have to be their final one. Give them time to process, and continue to share your excitement about your plans. Who knows? They might surprise you with their support once the initial shock wears off.


In the end, enjoy your day, your way. Your elopement will be a beautiful start to your marriage – intimate, authentic, and full of love. As you navigate these conversations, keep envisioning your perfect day. Whether it's a scenic spot in DFW or a unique location across Texas, focus on the joy and intimacy you'll share.


When you’re ready to start planning your elopement, contact me for a consultation. I’ll both help you plan your day and document it as your photographer.